Kratom — the Truth Behind the Hype of a Natural Herb

What is the legality of Kratom?

Is the United States federal government about to take Kratom into next-generation Reefer Madness?  

Maybe.  Kratom’s currently a coin held in the palm of the DEA — ready to flip.  And while so far it’s legal in the US, don’t hold your breath.

Already, the Feds are pretty much calling heads — on a two headed coin.  The FDA describes Kratom as an “opioid.”  In November of 2018, the Department of Health and Human Services recommended classifying Kratom as a Schedule 1 narcotic.  I.e. it as a “high potential for abuse” and “no currently accepted medical use.” This would put it right up there with heroin, cocaine, and — cough cough (bullshit) marijuana.

All that for a natural herb, used for thousands of years to treat everything from addiction to diarrhea to anxiety and depression?

Do you smell something funny — or is it something I ate?

Time to Crack Open a Window?

The jig is rigged, and the game is almost up.  But before the DEA or Congress cuts one (again), let’s back up and breathe a little fresh air.

Kratom is a green powder supplement consisting of mashed and dried leaves from the tropical tree Mitragyna speciosa, a coffee cousin grown in the forests of Southeast Asia.  Traditionally, its green leaves are handpicked and dried in the sun.  It is then brewed as a tea or ground up and swallowed with water.  About 4 million people are estimated to use Kratom in the U.S. 

Humanity’s use of Kratom as a medicine is at least as old as the New Testament and then some.  Peasants in Thailand chew it up to 10 times a day to work in the hot sun.  It is a traditional alternative for opium in Malaysia.  Some even spread it on their belly to drive out worms. 

Perhaps Kratom’s a perfect prescription for Congressional constipation — an abdominal Kratom belly rub for the Soul, if you will?

Bernie Sanders happens to be a fan of Kratom.  The presidential candidate asks the D.E.A. not to crack down on Kratom without careful deliberation.  He cites “the long reported history of Kratom use, coupled with the public’s sentiment that it is a safe alternative to prescription opioids.”

Because along with relieving the body of worms and politicians, Kratom is also great for treating opioid withdrawal, boosting energy, and providing pain relief.  Kratom is so good for this, it wouldn’t surprise us if jazz musicians dedicated trombone solos to a little Kratom in the moonlight.  Who knows?  

So What’s the Hype About, Really?

Is Kratom safe?

About 91 people have supposedly died from using Kratom.  Perhaps, some of the suburban kids whose moms donate dutifully to congressional political campaigns.

Take another deep breath and step back.  Over 72,000 people died in the U.S. from drug overdoses in 2017.  They kill more Americans in a single year than the entire Vietnam War.  A higher use of opioids and sales of Fentanyl on the black market drive this number.  This is not to mention drug companies peddling Oxycontin like federally approved Captain America Pez dispensers.

Always read the fine print.  Almost all of those 91 deaths involved another toxic drug, usually Fentanyl, a powerful opioid with a tragic plague of overdose.  Did we mention that many people turn to Kratom to ease addiction withdrawal?  Turns out that medical professional listed Fentanyl as the cause of death in at least half of those Kratom deaths.  A quarter of Kratom deaths actually list other prescription opioids, heroin and benzodiazepines like Valium as the cause of death.

In only 7 of those deaths was Kratom the only substance found, though the C.D.C. still cannot rule out the presence of other toxic substances.

Lightning — hell, even Bonanza reruns — kill more people every year.  Will politicians next ban summer thunderstorms and late night cable TV?  Maybe.  That might actually save more lives than outlawing a natural plant that some people use to keep from shitting themselves.

Game of Porcelain Thrones

Governmental overreaction has an interesting and shit-tastic history in lots of things.  Kratom is just one of them.

In the early 1940s, the government in Thailand had a problem.  Too many people were getting off smack.  Opium addicts were instead turning to Kratom — an unregulated herb — and ditching opium.  This was the Thai government’s drug of choice that it depended on for tax revenue.

So the Thai government outlawed Kratom.

Today, Oxycontin sales are worth $17.82 billion.  And pharma companies donated nearly $30 million to congressional political campaigns last year alone.  That just happens to be enough money to buy 1 million acres of the Moon on Lunarland.com.  Coincidence?

History doesn’t always repeat — but it certainly rhymes expectatives like the Notorious B.I.G. with a billion dollar bank roll stuffed down the front of its pants.

Moderation (in Moderation)

We’re not saying Kratom is the new Flintstone vitamin.  We’re just calling for a little common sense. 

Like everything else on the planet Earth, Kratom certainly has its caveats and side effects.  So does water — drink too much, you’ll drown.

Heavy use of Kratom can cause health problems.  Researchers have found it may lead to a racing heart rate and irritability, drowsiness, and impaired breathing.  Conversely, it can also cause sleep problems and low blood pressure.  Regular kratom use after 2 to 8 weeks could lead to symptoms of nausea, itching, or abdominal pain.

Ragtime Badu — a Heroine in Knee High Boots & a Cape?

It appears that Kratom is not fatal, even at high doses.  “…No fatalities were recorded in rats given 1000 mg/kg oral doses of kratom leaf extract or 806 mg/kg isolated mitragynine.  Rhesus monkeys injected with 9.2 mg/kg mitragynine also presented no fatalities,” reports the Third Wave.  

But Kratom does happen to be one of the most effective herbal analgesics, second only to opium.  While it’s 13 times more potent than morphine, it is much less addictive.  Withdrawal symptoms from Kratom are also far milder and more short-lived.  Among other benefits, Kratom could one day replace methadone as a treatment for heroin addiction.

Jazz also has a history of making politicians nervous — all those ragtime piano solos in living rooms driving suburban parents crazy.  Perhaps Kratom is a Bonobos 12-inch vinyl remix of Reefer Madness overdubbed to 1920’s Jelly Roll Morton, with hip-hop by Erykah Badu and rhymes so fat they might as well be against the law.

Keep listening.  Kratom’s beat is about to drop.